On Struggle…

Listening to:

Cards and Quarters by Local Natives

A new year brings new challenges for everyone.
For me, one small challenge is this broken finger and my determination that it not going to get in the way of my writing goals. (Okay, it kinda has…) But now I’m tying to get back to it, even while it hurts, because I have all these ideas swirling around in my brain, and these want to be typed out. The problem now is that I can’t seem to type fast enough, so thoughts and words are sometimes left behind.

There are things I have written in the past that wanted to be written in long hand first, but right now, that doesn’t seem to be the way to reach the words. Maybe it’s my sub-conscious trying to teach me a thing about struggle. Maybe it’s some inherent need to always want to do things the hard way. I remember my high school counselor trying to talk me out of going to college across country. I wanted to attend a small college in Louisiana when I could have easily stayed in the Midwest. “You know,” he said, “things don’t have to be hard to be valid. You could stay here, go where your friends are going.”

But I remember thinking that I wouldn’t really be learning much about myself if I stayed. I thought I needed the struggle in order to grow; I needed some pain of loneliness to teach me something, although I didn’t know what that something was. Maybe I still don’t.

But now it’s this silly finger and this keyboard sitting in front of me that has me thinking, why are people determined to put themselves in the road of struggle when one can easily sit? Drink a cup of tea? Watch the birds fly south for the winter? Why do people run marathons when there is red licorice to eat and movies starring Ryan Gosling to watch?

Why do we sit down, determined to write another novel when we can still feel the aches from the last? Why bother? Is there truth is struggle? Is it the clearest line to ourselves? Is it a way to make our own reality? Define ourselves? When so many things are determined for us, is it the one why we can decide who we are? Through struggle?

Ok, back to getting the words out…


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